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Until Then, There’s Facebook
Here is where I confess that I detest Facebook.
I resisted the craze for quite a while but before I knew it was seriously out of the loop — dinner conversation at family wedddings was going right over my head.
Who won what on Mafia Wars? — And why were my brother and my husband’s brother in on it? They live in different parts of the country and as far as I know met only once, eleven years ago at my wedding . The only thing they have in common, as far as I know, is my husband and me.
And some kind of serious smackdown over a failed bank heist.
That part of Facebook is great — it allows relationships between extended family at a time when people increasingly no longer share a hometown with their relatives.
But then it gets complicated. For example, I am constantly sent friend invitations by my blog readers. These people are real friends — I have known them for years, they have contributed to my blog, many have sent notes and gifts that have meant a lot.
But do I really want them having access to my daughter’s 2nd grade classroom mother’s list?
And about school — the mothers all friend each other. But is it a little weird to friend a Dad? And what about teachers? I get to read about their hobbies and their Sunday afternoons and that’s great. But then I worry — will my political views on gay marriage affect their view of my kid?
Speaking of school, I get friend requests from my own students all the time. — When I was college one didn’t even e-mail a professor, you certainly didn’t read about her exploits at the vet with a sick cat.
So you mix personal and private, and school and home … but nothing is weirder to me than the mixing of past and present. The fifteenth reunion committee wants you to friend them and talk about plans for the big event. And then you wonder — Do I really want to reengage in high school politics? I mean, it’s one thing to do it for a night every couple of years. But every day?
And how ungodly weird is it to read your middle school friend’s cervical updates leading up to the labor of her first child?
Speaking of children — I learned about three pregnancies and two marriages via Facebook. This adds a new layer to the social hierarchy: are you a phone-call-the-night-of relation? An e-mail-in-the-morning relation? Or an interpret-my-status relation?
I have three friends I don’t like, whose updates are offensive. One friend I couldn’t identify in a lineup. We have lots of friends in common, but I have no idea who she is or how I even came to acquire her. It must have been in the newborn haze.
Three people have “unfriended” me — one in a very dramatic breakup that involved inviting me out for coffee.
One friend solved the boundary problem by opening an account for her dog and posting her real thoughts in his name. She was doing great until she accidentally posted as the dog to the PTA thread.
The number one problem with Facebook is that it obliterates boundaries.
Do you want your boss, your client, your nanny and your grandmother to all be getting the same communication from you every day? — You don’t. No one does.
All of this is a prelude to the question we are asked a lot:
Should my business have a Facebook fan page?
The answer for the moment is yes. It doesn’t harm, it can be updated in the same stroke as Twitter. If your business is something that is used socially — for example a restaurant or movie theater or event hall — then for the moment Facebook is a very good place for you.
Some kind of distinction between social and business networking is inevitable. As we see how ineffective the lack of boundaries is, we will find new ways to implement them in the context of digital media. Our old friend etiquette will return and we’ll all know what the tools are for.
Until then, there’s Facebook.






